Are you a discerning cyclist?

Some of us take the Henry Ford approach to buying cycling clothing: any colour, as long as it doesn’t show the mud. At the other extreme, some of us know our Bianchi blue from our duck egg, are very particular about sock length, and can spot a decent merino across a crowded pub. Where do you fall on the spectrum? Take our quiz and find out.

1. Baby, it’s cold outside. Do you:

a. Put on three jumpers and four pairs of gloves, close all the flaps on your parka and pull your bobble hat down over your ears.

b. Worry for a minute because you never cleaned the mud off your thermal jacket after the off-road detour you took last week and, well, there were cows in that field, and your winter gloves stand up on their own, and your waterproof trousers do tend to create a bit of a micro-climate around your legs. Then realise you haven’t got any meetings today, so it doesn’t matter what you smell like.

c. Pull on your Café Du Cycliste Yolande jersey and your Vulpine rain trousers, and practise deflecting the   inevitable compliments modestly with, ‘Oh, this old thing?’

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2. What are your views on cycling trousers?

a. These are my trousers. I get on my bike in them. Therefore they are cycling trousers.

b. I can get away with most things if I wear my special padded underpants.

c. I couldn’t do without cycling jeans. The seams are so cleverly positioned and the water just runs off them. And these Creux ones look terrific, and they don’t wear through anything like as quickly as my normal ones do.

3. Tell us what’s in your sock drawer.

a. Threadbare Road Runner cartoon socks, a pair with motivational Belgian flags on them, and… Ooh! That’s where my other armwarmer went!

b. Black, black, black and black. And one pristine white pair, which only get an outing when it’s 24 degrees or above.

c. Well, I’ve got these GORGEOUSLY soft merino ones, and these really long ones for when it’s dead cold, and these jazzy ones for that office-to-party look, and…

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4. You’ve been invited to a party where you want to indicate subtly that you’re a cyclist, in case any like-minded foxes turn up. What do you wear?

a. 1970s black wool jersey with World Champion stripes on the cuffs, and your right jeans leg rolled up.

b. Dubious thermals, fourth-cat tattoo and a fine mist of road spray.

c. Walz cap, Café Du Cycliste scarf and a Carradice Harris tweed Barley with your taxi fare in it.

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5. What are you most hoping to find under the Christmas tree?

a. Santa-on-a-cargo-bike jumper, and some of those LEDs you put in your wheels.

b. Hard Men Of The Hills cycling calendar, ice tyres and a family pack of chain lube.

c. Something beautiful in merino. And, oh, go on then. Those snoods are lovely.

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Mostly (a): Practical to the core, you don’t see the need for special cycling gear. Biking is just an everyday activity, right? Right. But if you do something every day, maybe it would be nice to be comfortable doing it. MERINO. We’re just saying.

Mostly (b): You like to dress for ease and comfort on the bike. This sometimes translates into looking terrifying at work, but you know your priorities. Happily, modern technology brings you saddle-to-swivel-chair* garments that function well and look groovy. You’re in for a treat.

Mostly (c): You’re the true Discerning Cyclist. Your bike apparel needs to combine 21st-century functionality with spot-on fashion sense. Luckily, we’ve got plenty to please you here at Victor & Liberty. Have a very dapper Christmas indeed.

(* We made that up all on our own. Rather proud.)

Want to be kept up to speed on all things dapper? Then check out the official Discerning Cyclist blog.

By Alison Crutchley

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Posted in Cycling, Cycling clothes, Style
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